How Do You Say Goodbye?

Have you ever met someone so great, you wish you hadn’t? I have. December of last year, I met a man online. He was everything I wanted and more. He was the only person in the entire world that made me forget that I had depression. Overtime we talked, good came out of it; whether he was teaching me about his animals or helping me get through hard times. I really thought we “loved” each other. Not anything romantic but just as people and friends. We genuinely had love in our hearts for each other.

One day, he stop replying to his calls and messages. March 24, 2017 to be exact. Not once have I heard from him since then. I think about him everyday still. As hard as I try to ignore this fact, it always comes to my head: The man that made me once forget depression, has made me the most depressed I have ever been. You can imagine how much of a special person he is now, right?

I have no idea what happened to him. Even though there is a big possibility he ghosted me on purpose or something, I am not angry with him. I can’t feel anything else than sadness for him. I think about what he is up to all the time.

The worst part is, now that he is gone, I can’t tell him goodbye. I still message him although he never “reads” them. The loss of him makes me feel like I will never love anyone ever again. I have had boys that I used to have crushes on, finally try to make a move, and I am completely not into it. I can’t move on from him as hard as I try. He makes me feel like there’s nothing I can do to get happy. Somedays, I just want to hurt myself or give up on life.

I scare myself so much. I am not the type of person to let someone have so much power over me and my emotions- ever! So overtime I think about him and then have a thought of hurting myself right after, it scares me. I just do a lot of crying these days. How do you say goodbye to someone like that?

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