So yesterday was Prom. I never planned on going just because I am at a new school and still no one really tries to be my friend. Well maybes friend and a couple cool girls I know INSISTED I go, plus if I went this year, my senior prom is free. So I said, why not? I knew I would have them to talk and dance with. So the day started off great. I was finally felt excited to go, right?
Well I go to my best friend’s house around lunchtime to start getting ready and hang out. I almost died on the way there because of a car accident sort of… blah blah blah, go check out my last post if you want to know more. Anyways, since I almost died I kinda just felt a little scared the rest of the night and did not really feel excited anymore- thats how bad this car incident was!!!
So after we are done getting ready, we have a professional photographer to take a few of our pictures. They turned out so nice and we kept getting compliments by strangers! This kind of gave me a boost of confidence since they thought we were being shot for a Prom Magazine or something.
Next, we joined a few friends for dinner. It was fun and I felt pretty but I was still nervous for the actual prom. We ended up being the second little group of friends there which was a little awk… also because the only other people there were a bunch of teachers. Finally, like 500 people showed up and the party was getting started.
HOWEVER, I am not sure if I have mentioned my creepy teacher to y’all yet, but he was the DJ and all he played was weirdo music nobody knew! So my whole school was bummed about that because like we could not dance to anything! He had two “line dance” songs which were the boot scooting boogie and the cupid shuffle yet they were CREEPY REMIXES you could not even understand!
Sooooo here’s the worst part for me, though. My friends were nice the whole time but they have been at the school longer than me so everyone keep talking to them and stealing them away from me:( I knew tons of people there and even some kids I thought liked me and we talk at school, acted like they did not even know me! Literally, I had to bounce around between like the three girls that talked to me because they would get bored with me third wheeling or something so I felt alone the whole night. I did not feel good in the least. I started to feel ugly and uncool and unwanted again. I would try to say hi to the kids I know from school and they would act like they did not hear me or “recognize” me…. I felt on the verge of tears the whole time.
Needless to say, I went home a few minutes early and did not say goodbye to hardly anyone. I figured if they treated me bad then why should I try to be nice to them? Thats all I do. So I left, no one noticed, and when I got home, I told my parents I had a really good time and that I am glad I went. I told them about the music situation and thats why I felt a little bummed. In all honesty, the stupid music was the least of my problems.
I went straight to the shower, and into bed. I wept, tired, and sobbed all night. Check previous post for this next part, but I started thinking about death again. I almost texted a suicide hotline just to talk to someone but I did not in fear of my parents finding out somehow. The whole night just made me feel more depressed than ever…
I feel like I am withering away in the sense that I just feel sad all the time and heartbroken forever. I am not sure if I even want to go to my Senior Prom next year.